There comes a time when you start to feel that this business of manufacturers hacking ever more unlikely niches into the car market and jamming new products into them ought to be brought to a halt, whether by gentle persuasion, some sort of legislative process or, if necessary, something more strenuous involving tigers and guns.I reached that point not long (call it a mile) after setting off in the MINI Paceman John Cooper Works. You may already know this, or perhaps you can't be bothered to find out, but either way I'm going to tell you that this is the high-performance version of a coupe based on an SUV, of sorts, derived in turn from a DEAR LORD, STOP.Let's approach this from the opposite direction. First there was the MINI hatchback. Then came several derivatives, including a convertible, an estate, a coupe, a roadster, a van and, most relevantly to this discussion, the tall and ungraceful but undoubtedly roomier than average Countryman.After that, things became more confusing as the derivatives started to be mixed up. A new variant came along which was a sort of Countryman coupe, but instead of being called just that it was named Paceman instead. And two Pacemen were offered in John Cooper Works form with a 218bhp 1.6-litre petrol turbo engine (easy to fit because it already appears in other MINIs and they're all much of a muchness under the skin) and four-wheel drive.One has an automatic gearbox - we'll pass over that one for now, but it's there - the other a six-speed manual, which is where we came in.I suppose, though it's not the something I'd want for myself, there are people who would find an ordinary Paceman suitable, but I won't talk about its various features because Tom Stewart already has. I'm concentrating on that engine - or rather, since it's a fine unit in itself, on its unsuitability for the Paceman.Performance: sparky. 140mph flat out, 0-62mph in 6.9 seconds. Economy: meh. 38.2mpg combined, along with 172g/km of CO2 emissions leading to a stiff £200 annual VED charge. Well, you can't have everything.But really, 218bhp is more than the Paceman can deal with. MINI hatches famously handle well, but when you raise the centre of gravity - as we know - you lower the car's ability to take corners. The weight of the Paceman isn't carried as far above the ground as that of the Countryman, but it's further up than the suspension seems prepared to deal with, and while this wouldn't be a problem with one of the less powerful cars it certainly is with this one.I don't see the point. If you put this amount of power into a relatively small car you're presumably intending it to be fun to drive, but the Paceman JCW is not fun. I'd much rather scoot around in a diesel hatch, because even though it won't accelerate nearly as hard it will take the bends any way I want it to without me having to wrestle it into submission. That's my idea of a good driving experience. Engine 1598cc, 4 cylinders Power 218bhp Transmission 6-speed manual Fuel/CO2 45.6mpg / 172g/km Acceleration 0-62mph: 6.9 seconds Top speed 140mph Price £29,545 Details correct at publication date
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