Let's get this out of the way. Chances are you will never drive the Nissan Juke-R. Sorry about that. There are only two in existence, you see, and only one right-hand drive version. In fact, the chances are you may never actually see one. And that's a shame. The Juke-R has about as much in common with the everyday Juke you'll see Mums tootling around town in as The Duke of Edinburgh has in common with Duke Ellington. It has no rear seats; it has more flaming and surface faffery than anything in (former flame-loving BMW designer) Chris Bangle's more fevered dreams; it has the fullest wheel arches since... well, since sliced bread. The Juke-R looks like it could, at any given time, be spotted with a small mammal disappearing down its mouth. It's like a grotesque, squat toad, following a body-armouring Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles makeover. It speaks of bad intent and seems to have built just so journalists can conjure absurd metaphors about just how ridiculous it looks. Some of those looks do have a purpose of course. The rear spoiler to keep the Juke-R in touch with the tarmac; larger wheels to help transfer all that power while retaining traction; the body kit made of carbon fibre (though the Juke-R still weighs more than the GT-R); diffusers and side panels to channel air around the fat body. Under the surface too there are changes. And thank God. Rear seats are gone to include a roll cage; suspension is stiffened; the floor is lowered; racing seats and four-point harnesses are added; the face is bigger to encase the GT-R engine's vast radiators. Nissan Juke R performance The Juke-R packs the Nissan GT-R's twin-turbo 485bhp V6 3.8-litre petrol engine, only detuned a little. That means a 62mph sprint time of 3.7 seconds. 3.7 seconds! Let's just compare that to some established big names: faster than the Mercedes-Benz SLR McLaren (and equal to the SLS). Faster than the Corvette Z06. Faster than the Ferrari F430 and the California. Faster than the Spyker C8. Faster than the Aston Martin DBS. Faster than the BMW M6. Faster than virtually any Lamborghini Gallardo. Faster than the Lotus Evora. Faste than any Maserati. Faster than the Porsche 911 Turbo. It's fast, right? Under hard cornering in slow turns the Juke-R understeers, but it's predictable and disappears as the car's electronic gizmos kick in and distribute torque and braking accordingly to one of the four wheels. The brakes are very strong and deep (massive brake discs can be spotted on the Juke-R's massive wheels); the acceleration seems to defy physics. It does roll around a little in tight corners though, an unchangeable fact of life for such a tall vehicle. Just a little, though - the body control is immense. The Juke-R squats down onto the road when the power's down and the suspension feels fairly pliable on the test track, though we didn't get to take it on the road. Truth be told, that was fine with us. We kept the car in full auto mode and the shifts were incredibly fast through the dual clutch. Should you wish you can change gear manually, by way of paddle shifters behind the steering wheel. Nissan Juke R first drive On the track the Juke-R is awesome, in the truest sense of the word. Cars like this just shouldn't exist - it seems to defy not just physics, but logic too. I climbed to 145mph in something around 12 seconds from a slow rolling start in the damn thing. Nissan says it can clear one quarter of a mile in around that time and go on to a limited 160mph, so who am I to argue? There must be a few supercar manufacturers shuddering at those stats. What is the point of the Juke-R, then, if you can't buy it? Well, car manufacturers can claim to gather valuable knowledge from putting a car like this together - and there's a little extra sheen to the brand - and the vanilla Juke. But I suspect that Nissan built its little pocket rocket because it could. There's a delicious story that suggests that Nissan's top brass knew nothing of the Juke-R until they saw some videos of it on the internet. Could it be that Nissan engineers created the Juke-R simply because they thought it would be a laugh? Quite possibly - and there will be a great many people that will be forever grateful to Nissan for doing so. I am one of them. I'm fortunate to be in the position of driving supercars around tracks. But to be able to drive such an absurdity - such a ball of fun designed to be simply that - was a rare pleasure indeed. The Nissan Juke-R is the equivalent of a bouncy castle, jelly and ice-cream, dumb action flicks, rollercoasters. It exists simply to be fun and, boy, does it deliver. Nissan Juke-R Milestones Engine: 485bhp 3.8-litre V6, 588Nm torque; 0-62mph 3.7 seconds; top speed 160mph Transmission: Six-speed dual-clutch automatic Pros: Incredible speed, handling, performance, styling Cons: Unlikely prodution will ever extend to more than two models
